What's So Funny About Unemployment?

A funny little unemployment blog for your (un) enjoyment

Archive for August 2010

Return of The Staff

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As I was researching Michigan’s latest unemployment statistics (now at 13.1 percent) and applying for jobs the other day, I heard the WSFAU HQ door quietly open.

Feet — attached to suitcase-carrying bodies– began to tiptoe in.

The Staff was back.

Resisting my urge to scream “Where the bleep were you?” at them, I allowed them to unpack. Then I called a staff meeting.

“Staffers, I have some important things to say to you,” I began as we gathered around the staff conference table. “First of all, where were you?”

“Niagara Falls,” they responded in unison.

Slowly I turned, looking them over as I controlled my urge to give them a good slap upside the head. “Niagara Falls?!? That explains your ‘water, water everywhere’ message. So why there? It’s not like you all went on your honeymoon … is it?”

“No,” they said. “We’re still single.”

Taking turns, they further replied: “We just wanted to go to Canada and New York. And look at one of the natural wonders of the world. And, boss, you wouldn’t believe just how many tacky tourist traps there are along the street to the falls on the Canadian side. That’s a wonder in itself.”

“Oh, I’ll bet.” I paused to begin the Powerpoint presentation I’d carefully developed since their departure. “Now, please pay careful attention to this projection of our quarterly budget.” The Staff began to yawn and groan. “I know finance is not your favorite subject, but this is very important to WSFAU’s future!”

The slide projected on the WSFAU laptop screen for them to see:

Expenses: We Have Them

Income: We Need It

“Congratulations, Staff,” I sarcastically told them. “Your sojourn has thrown a monkey wrench into our budget projections! Now we have more expenses and we need more income!”

“We ate as inexpensively as we could.” “We took digital photos instead of buying souvenirs.” “We shared a room.” “We even stayed out of those tacky tourist traps!”

“I’m glad to hear you watched your pennies. But the next time you take a vacation, you should take it from a paying job! And let people know when and where you’re going BEFORE you take off! That will be all.” I rose to end the meeting.

“Don’t you want to see our pictures and hear about our trip?”

So I sat back down, looked over their photos and heard their trip stories. Soon, I relaxed. I laughed at their travel stories. I marveled at the wonders of the photos of the falls.

It was like I’d been there myself.

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Written by Joanne

August 19, 2010 at 11:07 pm

Another note from the staff

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As I was sitting around WSFAU headquarters by myself this morning missing my formerly loyal staff, another email came in:

Weather is here.

Wish you were nice.

Okay, okay, you are nice. We miss you, and we’ll be home in a couple of days.

The Staff

They’re coming back! I knew it! Especially since I knew they couldn’t get far on what I pay them ….

Written by Joanne

August 15, 2010 at 8:48 am

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Another note from the staff

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The (former?) staff emailed us another note early this morning with details of their secret location:

Water, water everywhere

And lots of wine to drink.

So where the heck are they? More importantly, are they spending my unemployment checks on tacky souvenirs?


Written by Joanne

August 14, 2010 at 8:46 am

Slip-sliding away

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I woke up this morning to find this note:

Dear Boss:

We’ve had it with this unemployment/blogging thing. We’ve been doing all the legwork. You’ve been getting all the credit. It’s time — way past time —  for us to grab a few beers and slide on out of here for a while. (So to speak.)

The WSFAU Staff

Oh, my. They did a Steven Slater on me. On Friday the 13th, no less.

They’ll be back. I know it. I know them.

Plus, I still have their computer.

Written by Joanne

August 13, 2010 at 9:00 am

My chance to be a rock star at work

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While we were sitting around the house and watching the Saturday night horror movie show in our pj’s (hey, we’re relaxing after a busy week), a member of our ever-vigilant staff saw a very cool job posting for us on Twitter.

So what is it? Library assistant at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum!

Sure, we’d have to move to Cleveland. But think of it: It’s our chance to be rock stars! 😉

Written by Joanne

August 7, 2010 at 11:38 pm

Dear What’s So Funny About Unemployment:

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It’s time for the first installment of “Dear WSFAU,” our new feature where our staff gives advice to the job lorn:

Dear WSFAU:

I see from your last entry that you were about to attend your high school reunion. How brave of you, going to your high school reunion when you don’t have a job to talk about! I too am unemployed and have been invited to my class reunion this summer – but I’m too embarrassed to go! I wish I had your nerve!

Sincerely,

Embarrassed

Dear Embarrassed:

First of all, you think we’re brave? Ha! If the WSFAU staff let our jobless status keep us from going to summer parties, we would have spent these last two summers cooped up and bored at WSFAU HQ. (And believe us, summers can get really hot here inside WSFAU HQ.)

Secondly, don’t be embarrassed about your jobless status, Embarrassed.  Whether it’s at a backyard barbeque, your friend’s kid’s high school graduation party, a family wedding, the high-octane fuel-injected crowd at the Woodward Dream Cruise, or, yes, your high school class reunion, your old friends will just be happy to see you this summer. They won’t really care about your lack of a job. Heck, in this economy, some of them may not even have jobs themselves.

So go to that reunion. Enjoy the rest of your summer. Before you know it, it’ll be fall. Then it’ll be time to see you at football tailgate parties and the cider mill. (Mmmm. Cider and donuts.)

If you have an unemployment-related question or concern, why not ask What’s So Funny About Unemployment in the comments section? Remember, we care more about you than MARVIN ever will!

Written by Joanne

August 1, 2010 at 10:29 pm

Posted in unemployment